From the age of 5yrs old i knew i felt different, from the other boys of my age. i always had the thought of my soul was a girl trying to break loose from a males body. As i got older i felt more feminine, i didn't feel like a boy i felt like a girl. I did want to be one of the girls i didn't fit in with the boys at school or when i left school. I used to get teased by the boys because i was very feminine as i was growing up i also got teased from some of the girls.

i was so envious of the girls especially if they were pretty, i just wanted to be just like them. I would of loved to have gone to school in a dress instead of shorts, this went on for all through out my school years. i went to many special schools because i have learning difficulties due to not being able to concentrate enough, the main reason was to be a girl and wishing that i was born a girl this dominated my life 24/7. even when i was asleep i would dream about becoming a girl i used to cry myself to sleep every night wishing that in the morning i would wake up and be a girl but i wasn't and i was still a boy i would cry again, it was terrible.

While all this was going on in my life, my parents split up when i was 5yrs old, me my 2 brothers and 1 sister went to live with my dad and his new woman thats where i lived till one day when my dad took us to see my mom and never returned, my mom had to take care of me, but she couldn't cope i ended up in a foster home then in a childrens home. When i 7yrs old and in care, i felt like i was all on my own to cope and i still had the thoughts of myself being trapped in my somebody elses body. i had nobody to turn to. Mom and dad didn't want me, i was so lonely, my school work was going down hill more and more because i couldn't concentrate. i kept being moved from school to school, i never told anyone that i wish i was born a girl, i always kept my feeling trapped inside me. (It was like keeping a beautiful bird that wanted to be free into the world trapped inside a cage.) i was scarred of telling people 1 reason was that i physically abused while i was in care, by one of the staff, he used to beat me up, i don't know why but i think it was because i was really feminine. so the last thing i was going to do was to tell people how i was feeling inside, i was so scarred. I thought the best thing to do was keep quite. As i was growing up my feelings were getting stronger and stronger, to become female. The first time i dressed as a girl it was fantastic, but it wasn't enough i knew what i wanted in life. I had to dress in secret, so i didn't get much chance to do it at the time.

i was in the childrens home from the age of 7 till i was 16yrs old, then i went to a foster home until i was 18yrs old. all in all i was in care for 11yrs in all that time i didn't see my parents. When i was in care i got myself a flat, i could look after myself i was very level headed, even with everything that had gone on in my life, I suppose things that happen in life to people just makes you stronger.

i did try to have a relationship with a girl i was with her for 2 yrs, i went on to marry her but we did split up, i was 21yrs old, which wasn't my fault. I always fancied women even though i wanted to become a woman myself, at 21 when the marriage split i did think about having the operation to change my gender then, i wanted to go private as i heard so many horror stories about having that operation on the NHS. I couldn't afford to go private at that time, so i had to put it on hold which made me sad. Later that year i met another girl who i went on to be with for 12yrs, thinking that i could overcome my inner feelings of becoming female, but my feelings just got stronger and stronger i had to do something about it.

In January 2001 i went private to see a gender specialist, in manchester. he diagnosed me with having gender dysphoria. This is where i started my journey to become Maria, i was put on female hormones, i started the real life test, which i completed in 18 months then i was referred to Russell Reid who gave me a grilling with question after question, to see if i was 100% sure about changing my gender. I got through it, then he said he was going to refer me for surgery, i had my appointment to see the surgeon, Dr Tim Terry, at leicester nuffield hospital, where he explained to me about the operation, and the risks involved.

I had my date come through which was in september 2002, i was in hospital for 10 days all in all, when i woke up from the operation it was though there was a massive weight lifted off my shoulders, i was in alot of physical pain but the mental pain had gone. I was the happiest girl in the world. It took 3 months to fully recover. The only regret that i had was that i couldn't pay for the operation when i was 21yrs old.

Know that everything as settled down and im 100% female there was one more goal in my life that i wanted and that was to meet a special woman, who wouldn't judge me for who i was or for who i am and guess what that woman came into my life in 2004. We met on the internet, we fell madly in love with each other, she dosnt judge me one bit bless her.